That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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