Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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