elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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