I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
