So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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