did you get engaged???
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
