I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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