Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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