it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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