She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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