I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
