I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
