dude i'm inner monologue high
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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