were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
