she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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