I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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