So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
