Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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