I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
