I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
