remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
