Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
