dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
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