Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I could fuck to npr.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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