How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
