she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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