She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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