You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
