So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
