and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Also, beer. Big fan.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
