I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
