Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You were trust falling into bushes
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
