Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
