apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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