Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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