I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize