Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
