Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
