do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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