That's when you crack a 10am beer
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
