And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
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you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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