I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
