I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
