Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just had sex on a roof
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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