Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
