i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
