I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You can't just leave with hair like that
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
