when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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