i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
