i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
