He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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