maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize