I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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