I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Small penises have feelings too.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
