Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
