i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
