I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
