you guys were way drunker than both of me
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
