I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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