Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
