you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
