yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
