wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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