My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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