I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
