I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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