I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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