I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
