Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
