You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
