Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
