Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
