there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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